


Still Here

by TheLillie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: First Time Gem Fusion, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 01:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20381767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLillie/pseuds/TheLillie
Summary: Steven suddenly sat up straighter. “Wait, what? Alexandrite's younger than me?”“If we're counting like that.”“But you guys have been together for thousands of years,” said Connie. “How come you only started all fusing together so recently?”Garnet leaned back and folded her arms again.“Long story.”





	Still Here

_ 14+12.76=26.76 _

“No, that seems way too old. What if we take the average of our two ages?”

Steven tapped at the calculator beside him.

2 _ 6.76÷2=13.38 _

“Now that's too young.”

“Yeah. We need a number that’s old enough to drive, but also young enough to go to a school dance--”

_ 17ish???? _

“That's how old we seem, right?”

“Maybe we should find a guess-my-age website and go with whatever that says.”

Steven tapped his eraser against his chin. “You can't trust everything on the internet these days. I think we’ll just have to settle for good old-fashioned math.”

“Math outside of school makes me tired,” Connie complained, letting her chin fall against the countertop. Almost immediately, though, she sat back up, eyes bright with an idea. “What if we just ask Garnet? She’s the fusion expert, she’s bound to know!”

“That’s a great idea!” Steven gasped. He dropped the pencil and hopped down from his stool. Connie excitedly followed him down to the Temple door.

“Garnet Garnet Garnet!” Steven called as he ran. “Connie and I have a fusion question!”

The door opened, and Garnet was there. “I have a fusion answer.”

“Well, it’s also sort of a math question,” Connie said.

Garnet frowned. “Hm.”

“We’re just trying to figure out how old Stevonnie is.” Steven sat over on the couch, peering at his paper and scratching his head. Garnet and Connie settled beside him. “But fusion stuff can be really confusing sometimes.”

“Maybe you could tell us how old you are, and that’ll give us something to go off of,” Connie suggested.

Garnet hummed again. She crossed her arms. She crossed her legs. She uncrossed her arms.

Steven leaned forward. “Do you...do you know how old you are?” 

“Gems don’t age. We never have a need to count it up,” Garnet finally said. “Fusions even more so.”

Connie furrowed her brow. “So there's no way to really find out for sure?”

“Well, there goes that,” Steven sighed, slumping.

“Hm.” Garnet leaned forward. “I’m sensing this is about more than what it seems.”

“There’s just so much that we can’t figure out about Stevonnie,” Connie admitted. “And all you other fusions have been around for so long, but even if one of us ends up never aging, I’m still just a normal human. I’m not gonna have time to figure everything out.”

“Stevonnie can’t be compared to any other Gem fusion. They’re three-quarters human,” Garnet replied. “But even then, being a fusion isn’t about knowing things for sure.”

“It still might be nice, though,” Steven murmured. But quickly he perked back up and said, “Oh, I know! You told me that the first time Ruby and Sapphire met was...five thousand seven hundred fifty years ago, right? So you're 5,750!”

“By that logic, Stevonnie's an infant,” Garnet countered. “So is Smoky Quartz. Alexandrite's barely twelve.”

Steven suddenly sat up straighter. “Wait, what? Alexandrite's younger than me?”

“If we're counting like that.”

“But you guys have been together for thousands of years,” said Connie. “How come you only started all fusing together so recently?”

Garnet leaned back and folded her arms again.

“Long story.”

Steven gasped and clapped his hands a little. “Story for Steven and Connie!”

“Greg would tell it better,” Garnet evaded. “The first part, at least.”

“No way, you're a great storyteller!” Steven stretched his legs out to lie down on his back, his head on Garnet's lap. “C'mon, pleeeeeease?”

He folded his hands under his chin and batted his eyelashes. On Garnet's other side Connie mimicked him, though a bit more subtly.

Garnet clicked her tongue. “Alright. You've talked me into it.”

* * *

Funland Theme Park was the busiest place in town during summer. All season long, it stayed busy and noisy and smelly and crowded. Even on usually lazy weekdays, the park was packed with tourists and residents alike. Very rarely, though, was it visited by Beach City's oldest residents: the Crystal Gems.

Of course, today they weren't there for the games or the rides or the food--well, Amethyst was enjoying the food. Their main purpose was a very important Gem mission, a mission in two parts: part one, to keep an eye out for a massive monster attack Garnet had spied in her future vision; part two, to help Greg keep two-year-old Steven safe and entertained.

“I think Shtooball's still too short for all these rides,” Greg commented, hefting the grinning toddler onto his shoulders. “Think this place has any baby coasters?”

“Ugh, how long until he learns how to just shapeshift bigger?” Amethyst complained. 

“He'll get it eventually,” Garnet replied.

“Well, if I were him, I wouldn't be too interested in these 'rides’ either.” Pearl wrapped her arms around herself and pulled away from a passerby inches away from bumping her. “We really ought to just take him back home.”

“Maybe we should see what he thinks,” Greg said, lifting up a hand for his son to grab. “Whaddya say we should do, buddy?”

Steven bounced. “The bits! The bits!”

“You want some more fry bits? We just ate!”

“Bits! Bits! Bits!”

Amethyst snickered. “It kinda almost sounds like he's cussing.”

“Amethyst!” Pearl snapped.

“What? I'm just sayin’--”

“That is  _ not  _ the sort of thing we want to encourage.”

“Alright, alright,” Amethyst surrendered. “Don't have to act like a bits.”

Cutting off the impending argument, Greg turned around and slid Steven off his shoulders and into his arms. “Yknow what, the fry stand’s a ways away, and I don't really feel like lugging him back and forth. Do you mind holding him for a sec while I grab some more food?”

Pearl grimaced, but Garnet held out her arms.

“Thanks. I'll be right back.” He carefully situated Steven in Garnet’s arms. “You guys need anything else?”

“Nope.”

“Come and find me if you do!”

He disappeared into the crowd. Garnet glanced down and lifted Steven to her eye level. The toddler had three fingers up his nose and a spot of drool forming at the corner of his wide smile.

“Are you supporting his weight properly?” Pearl fussed, her hands hovering around Steven like she was afraid Garnet would drop him. “If he's got too much strain on his underarms it could really hurt him--”

“Gownet!” Steven announced proudly, pointing.

Garnet nodded seriously. “Howdy.”

“Owie!”

Pearl yelped. “Oh! Is he hurt? Did he say 'owie’?”

“No, he's just tryna say ‘howdy’,” Amethyst laughed. “What's up, little man?”

“Sup lil maaan!” Steven echoed.

“Amethyst, if you teach him any curse words--”

“Uh, define 'curse words.’ I gotta at least teach 'im how to say--”

_ BOOM. _

The park shook. The people exclaimed.

_ BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. _

Garnet slung Steven onto her hip and summoned her opposite gauntlet. “It’s at the ferris wheel!”

“Aah! Give me Steven, give me Steven!” Pearl hollered, flapping her hands until Garnet tossed Steven into them. “I'll be right there as soon as he's safe!”

Garnet leapt into the air, followed closely by Amethyst. Amethyst pulled two whips from her gem in midair.

The monster was bigger than any they’d faced before, and yellower, too–a huge bright lizard-shaped creature with long, sharp limbs and a face that was all mouth. Its gem was right under its jaw–a bit tricky to just grab and pull out. It hadn’t reached the park proper yet, but was plenty close enough to have people panicking.

Garnet landed and split right into a run toward the monster. “Amethyst, evacuate the humans!”

“Roger!”

Amethyst flung each whip to the opposite side of the ferris wheel, wrapping around the bars and latching tight. The ride screeched to a jittering stop.

“Alright, c’mon, everybody off!” she shouted. “I can’t hold this very long!”

Garnet jumped and threw a punch at the monster’s head. It screamed and tossed its head to the side, but otherwise didn’t move. Before she could try again, it spun, catching her on the waist with its thick tail and flinging her aside.

She crashed into the fence along the ground, sending wooden splinters flying. The monster spun again and descended, mouth open wide to snatch her up.

“HYAH!”

_ SCHLUCK. _

A spear pierced the monster’s upper jaw, the tip protruding into its mouth. Pearl’s spear. Garnet jumped to her feet while the monster shrieked and flailed.

Pearl landed beside Garnet and drew out another spear. “I don’t understand! That should have been enough to poof it!”

The monster slammed its feet back to the ground, the spear in its mouth dissipating. Garnet risked a glance away from it--Amethyst had managed to get all the humans off the ferris wheel, but several of them still lingered nearby, staring at the fight. Amethyst was struggling to hold anyone’s attention enough to herd them to safety.

The monster followed Garnet’s gaze and leapt toward Amethyst. Amethyst spun and whipped it back.

_ “PEOPLE, GET OUTTA HERE!” _ Amethyst screamed.

In an instant Garnet was at Amethyst’s side, quick enough to block the monster’s claw from swiping at her. It switched tactics and stomped, nigh hard enough to completely squish them both. Pearl slid in next to them and tried to help push up against the monster’s foot. 

The monster pressed harder, now with both its front claws, intent on crushing them.

Garnet’s arms gave way. Desperate, she shoved up harder against the claw with her back and shoulders.

“It’s too much! We need to fuse!” Garnet threw her hand to the side. “Amethyst!”

“Absolutely not!” Pearl hollered. “We can’t put all these humans in even more danger!”

“Sardonyx won’t be powerful enough to beat this!”

Amethyst huffed loudly and grabbed Garnet’s hand. “Then just fuse with both of us! We’ll balance each other out!”

Pearl glanced at Garnet.

Garnet hesitated, then nodded.

The monster roared again and lifted its paw to wind up for a final smash. In the split second, Garnet grabbed Pearl’s hand and swooped out of the way.

She twirled her in, dipped her, lifted her up. Sardonyx began to glow, but before she could take form, she pulled Amethyst in as well.

She was someone else. She was someone new.

She felt... _ off.  _

Something was wrong.

_ “GRAAAR!” _

It didn’t matter. She had a job to do. She rose to her full height--just taller than the monster--and shoved her foe away from the humans. It tumbled and rolled, then got back on its feet.

She jumped into the air after it-- _ good, draw the fight away, keep the humans safe-- _

_ Whose voice is that? _

She landed with an immediate kick to the monster’s face. Focus, concentrate, fight. One strike to it, one to her, two to it--

A miscalculated swing. She stumbled. How many arms did she have? How long were her legs?

_ Something’s wrong. _

The monster shoved her back, claws pushing at her shoulders. This time she managed to hold firm, her feet grinding into the sand--but her form was starting to wobble, her gems starting to glow.

This couldn’t keep going. She was coming undone. She needed a plan. She flexed her arm to summon her shield--

but--

There was no shield--she had no shield--

_ SOMETHING’S WRONG. _

No! Focus. Improvise. Something else big and round. She kicked the monster to the side and leapt for the empty ferris wheel.

“ _ Raargh _ !” the monster roared, jumping after her.

She reached the ferris wheel before the monster did. Six hands grabbed the metal; two legs pushed her into the air. The wheel barely creaked before ripping straight out from its base.

_ “Hup--” _

The monster jumped after her.

She spun in midair, swinging the empty wheel.

_ “Hah!” _

She brought it down.

The metal hit the monster. The monster hit the ground.

_ POOF. _

The gem hit the sand.

She fell apart before she landed.

Garnet was the first to get to her feet. After shakily rising to her knees, she bubbled and tapped the defeated gem in one motion, then slowly stood.

Next was Pearl, who managed to roll onto her back and prop herself up on her elbows and immediately ask, “Where’s Steven? Is Steven alright?”

“Are you guys okay? Did you beat the thing?” Greg called, answering her question for her. He was sliding down the beach to meet them, Steven resting comfortably on his hip. The toddler seemed completely unaware of (or at least unfazed by) everything that had just happened.

“It’s beaten,” Garnet replied.

“Oh, geez.” Greg glanced at the ferris wheel, lying broken and bent on the hillside. “I’m guessing you guys don’t have anything to pay for that, huh?”

Garnet looked back at Amethyst, still facedown on the ground, as Pearl strode over to fret over Steven. Amethyst didn’t move.

“Are you sure you three are alright?” Greg asked.

Garnet placed her hand on Amethyst’s head. Amethyst groaned and gave a weak thumbs-up.

“We’re fine.”

“You looked a little off your game out there. I mean, I didn’t see all of it, but for a little bit I was kinda worried.” Greg surrendered Steven over for Pearl to hold while she inspected him for injuries. “That fusion seemed sort of unsteady.”

Disinterested, Pearl started to reply, “Well, she was, but that’s only because--”

She stopped. She had lifted Steven’s shirt to check his skin, but now her gaze lingered on his gem.

“Here,” she said, giving a now-babbling Steven back to his father. “We need to go.”

“Wait, aren’t you gonna--”

She jumped away. Garnet jumped after her. Amethyst pushed herself up enough to watch them go, then gradually stood and followed on foot.

Greg and Steven stood alone by the broken ferris wheel as the wail of emergency vehicles’ sirens drew nearer. Surprised by either the increased noise or the departure of the Gems, Steven started to cry.

***

When Garnet stepped out of the Bubble Room, Pearl was already sitting on the warp pad and leafing through her geology book. Garnet silently sat beside her, not quite close enough to brush shoulders or thighs.

“What do you think of ‘Alexandrite’?” Pearl proposed without looking up. “It’s a bit of a cumbersome name, but so far the properties seem to line up.”

“Not about the properties,” Garnet replied casually. “Ask how it feels.”

Pearl clicked her tongue. “You’re always better at feeling these things than I am.” She flipped the page to peer at the back of it.

“You’ll have to get Amethyst’s say, too.”

A sigh, mixed with a scoff. “I’m not sure I can trust her on this after she tried to convince us ‘Beefstone’ was what felt right for Sugilite.”

“You thought that was funny at the time.”

“Well, I’d like to take things a little more seriously now.”

Pearl turned another page, absentmindedly humming as she read. Garnet leaned back, watching.

“It’s different without Rose,” Garnet said.

Pearl coughed and covered her mouth with her hand, tears suddenly springing.

“Don’t,” she said shakily. “I-I’m trying not to think about it.”

“Ignoring it won’t make it go away.”

“But--” Pearl clenched a fist. “You said it yourself, we can't think about Rose anymore!” She screwed her eyes shut. “Everything has to be about Steven. The only thing we have to think about is Steven.”

“It's true, though.”

Pearl and Garnet looked up. Amethyst turned to face them and slid down the rock she'd been sitting on.

“We've never fused just the three of us before.” She approached the warp, gaze low. “We always had her.”

“Well, now we  _ don't  _ have her.” Pearl slapped her book shut. “We just have-- _ Steven.  _ And one of these days were going to have to fuse again to keep him safe, and we can't have to worry about falling apart over thinking about--”

“Yeah, that takes care of him, but what about us?” Amethyst asked hotly. “Are we just gonna have to deal with this big monstro fusion always bottling up how  _ wrong  _ it all feels the whole time?”

“That would be even more unstable,” Garnet frowned.

“But what choice do we have? We're just going to have to deal with it!” Pearl argued, standing. “Everything feels wrong without her! And everything’s going to keep feeling wrong forever, because she’s never coming back! She’s  _ gone!” _

On the last word, her rising voice gave out on a sob. She froze, startled by her own outburst.

Amethyst gritted her teeth, tears snaking down her face.

Garnet stood.

“But we’re still here,” she said.

Pearl blinked up at Garnet, splashing tiny droplets off her eyelashes.

“Until Steven grows up, we’re all the Crystal Gems. We’re all the protection humanity has,” Garnet said. “But we can’t work as a team if we all think there’s a piece missing. We’re it.”

She placed a hand on each of her comrade’s shoulders.

“We can help each other through this. For his sake and our own.”

Pearl bit her bottom lip and melted into Garnet’s chest, wrapping an arm around her waist. They fell to sit back down on the edge of the warp pad. Amethyst curled up at Garnet’s side, head in lap. And Garnet held her teammates--her friends--her family--close and tight.

They stayed there, three puzzle pieces, thirds of a whole, holding each other together. Pearl’s sobs were the loudest, but they surely weren’t the only ones to be heard.

***

Garnet asked if they wanted to try again. It was a strange, rare occurrence that Garnet asked anything, but the question needed to be.

It took barely more than a step and a twirl for Alexandrite to return--yes, Alexandrite, that was her name, that was right. She stood up, stood tall, and stepped down onto the beach.

She looked back. Behind her was the Temple, the statue of how the four of them had been. But no--she looked forward. Obsidian was the past. This was the present.

The sun was setting, dyeing everything pink and orange. The ocean quietly rippled and glittered. A trio of seagulls flew along the horizon, their forms silhouetted in shadow. The clouds were round and pale, stretching across the sky like strokes of a wide paintbrush.

“Pretty,” Alexandrite said.

She walked into the surf. Sand moved under her feet, squishy and fine and wet. A few long steps, and the water was at her mid-thighs, and she paused and felt it. Cold, strong, rhythmic. It stuck her clothing to her skin; with each wave the light-formed fabric would unstick for half a moment and then get pushed back.

There were sights, there were feelings, there were smells and sounds too. Alexandrite was brand new, so every sensation was brand new--she had to savor it all. The scents of salt and fish and dirt and faraway food filled her nose. Gulls squawked, waves rolled, a boat’s horn called in the distance.

Ooh, what about taste? Alexandrite smacked her lips; her own mouth didn’t taste much like anything. She should go find something to eat-- _ eugh, no! yeah, come on! no yes no hungry disgusting--keep it together. Food can wait. _

Almost of her own accord, and not of her components’, Alexandrite said, “Let’s go for a run.”

She bent her knees and launched forward.

Alexandrite ran. She sprinted down the shoreline, water crashing all around her. Wind pushed hard at her face and tangled through her hair.

A boat in front of her blared its horn as she barreled toward it. She leapt over it, not caring how much it waved and rocked behind her.

She grinned. She started laughing.

On a whim, Alexandrite jumped toward deeper water and dove in. The saltwater didn't bother her eyes or breath--she could swim as long and as far and as deep as she wanted. Her laugh burbled and bubbled up to the surface, air rolling ticklishly up her face. She swam away from shore and twisted to face the sky. The water warped the clouds and the sun into round, wiggling shapes that probably should have looked funny but was somehow dazzling instead.

When she got bored of swimming, she pushed herself up to the surface and spat a little stream of water into the air. For a while she lay on her back and floated, letting herself be rocked around by the waves. Then she swam some more; then she got up ran some more; then she fell back down, then she got back up, then she did a huge splashing cartwheel. She did whatever in the world caught her fancy, and she did whatever helped her feel a little bit more like herself.

The night was fully dark when Alexandrite finally came apart, and all that had been pink was now purple and blue. She flopped onto her back on the beach, legs still in the water, and dissolved with a long exhale.

Pearl breathed in, Amethyst breathed out, and Garnet breathed in again. They lay in the sand for a while, holding hands and watching the sky.

It really was a beautiful sky.

Finally, Pearl spoke, but didn't turn her head. “Where are we?”

“On a beach,” Amethyst answered simply.

“We're just a few miles down the coast from the temple,” Garnet clarified.

“How many is a few?”

“Forty-three.”

Pearl slapped an exasperated hand over her eyes, and Amethyst laughed.

Garnet shrugged. “I think it was worth it.”

“Well, I can't argue there,” Pearl admitted, allowing herself to smile a little.

Garnet drew her hands up to her chest, tugging Amethyst and Pearl in as well. Pearl nestled easily and neatly into her side, while Amethyst flopped over her leg.

“Let’s not do that again for like, a while, though,” Amethyst said. “I’m mondo pooped.”

Pearl chuckled a little; Garnet smirked and affectionately rubbed Amethyst’s back.

“We’ll be able to when we need to,” Garnet said.

* * *

“That was probably more than you wanted to hear,” Garnet admitted, raising a hand to her shades.

“No, it was perfect!” Steven replied.

Connie nodded and glanced at Steven. “I think it was just what we needed. It doesn’t matter how old Stevonnie is, or how strong or how smart or even how stable they are.”

“As long it feels right to us.” Steven took Connie’s hand. “And as long as we’re here for each other.”

Garnet smirked and ruffled Steven’s hair. Steven laughed, and Connie squeezed his hand. 

“Fast learners,” Garnet said. “I think you two have got all the time in the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is legit like two years old its been gathering dust in my docs for so long good grief  
Accompanied by [an amazing work of art by my beautiful sweet treasured bestie MozzyMoo](https://www.deviantart.com/mozthethief/art/Still-Here-749844263?ga_submit_new=10%3A1529046194) and [a lil AMV by yours truly](https://youtu.be/Nhe9VBBrkUA)!


End file.
